feee..where you?

I miss you fee..where you??im getting so worked up and worried..i dont even know your whereabout..please fee..atleast get home asap so that i know you are safe..you mean the whole world to me bitch!!so where the fuck are you??!!

OMG!IM CRYING CAUSE ...

Fee...i seriously miss u..but i guess this whole thing is over..we are over..nowadays when i read my blog,i feel sad..cause no matter how we fought,we will never part sia..i love u sia...i miss u sia...i dont know why sia im crying...yeah,guess we all have to move on.and oh yarh,u need a new teacher..my lessons seems so bored for you...go and get somebody who can have patience and guide u well..thats all i can sia feee..thats all...

P:S:miss the time u will msg
me,"ifi!!!!!!!!!!!then i will reply,"yesh dear?"..
haish..its all over...

Gettin' Back Into This..Well..(its been a long time)

its been a month and two weeks ever since i updated my blog..i couldnt possibly remember all the event..cause my mind has been filled with numbers due to all the calculation..i did not forget everything though..i just feel guilty for a moment after reading her blog..well,its because of my recent temper that has led to all the squabbles..well,i hate it,u hate it,we hate it..sorry if i didnt give u space for u to explain..i dont want to lose u..and i realise my fault for not giving u the chance to explain.i deeply suggest you meet your friends..i dont see the need of me for this few days..dont get me wrong here..i just want u to have ur own air..it seems like im tearin ur life apart ever since i entered it...well.i shall end it here..got nothing much to say...well,lets break up if i am really tearing ur life apart..cause i dont want to see that happen...

The Whole Story about my fear..

Talking about my bro..he is first things first,a manipulator.Of course,in the study of manipulating,one have to be deceiving.Okay,i won't lie,my family is born manipulator.i didnt knew it myself until my bro tell me..yeah..we have the qualities to make people happy..however,there is always a negative point to certain things right??yeah.manipulation is sometimes done in an evil way..u are the swindler as well..we look so certain that people believe us easily..but the things becomes confusing when u try to do it on ur sibling or to those who have the abilities..in my case,me and my sister was deceived,it wasnt called deceiving actually,because we knew it..my brother has this extra ability for wat i can see..he is this three points which my father has:"bodek,bedek & cerdik"..its always because he "bodek" that he gets things easily and his pitfu features which makes us give in to him..that is the most deceiving part..he knows how to play around with words.so guys out there,will u be scared to lose a girl u love knowing that ur bro is like that and u cant control his decison??adding to the scenario,he hates u..well,my sister and uncle just got deceived last few days by him..and my sis boyfriend,jepun is a sort of big time gangster.well,guess what,my bro met him a few days back and my bro wanted to follow under jepon which makes jepon a leader once more..jepon said his time is over.guess what,this story wasnt over..he said to jepon,"atleast kalau kau taknak amek aku,introduce aku kat org2 atas kau atau same pangkat kau..aku nak buat nama balik arh.."i hate the last sentence...which means he want to be famous once more..it reflects back when he was a gangster.cheating,lying and all bad things..even i might be hurt,probably not physically,probably mentally..it all started lately when he went double-O..hahaha..he wasnt a man of his word..he is not my bro i used to know..so good luck everybody in trying to know him better..cause probably hurt and fear is what u get in the end..i have seen his sinful act and how worse it could be..so good luck..this is just what i feel.and as for me,i will be contrating on my girlfriend and my sis more..cause more problems are acting up..so good luck bro..u r 21..and u must be mad if u want to get back to the gangsterism now..

P.S:Abang,u can still have way wif kakak..u have communications wif mama ngan baba..atok ngan nenek is still there for u...u still have ways to face our grandparents at malacca,what do i have??just our sisters and fee...if u gonna take all of it,and leave me dry..i beg of u not to..they are my hopes in moving on.their conditions make me stronger.but if u insist..one fine day,u couldnt even face me..no matter what,bloodties will be there..but u dont how much hurt will u cause..

Siblings Frustration...

Ooooh..My bro is turning back into a badass..and i feel so guilty yet so frightened..I remember back then when he was a badass..he forgot everything..even family i suppose..and he wont even remember who he was..he broke many promise,most of it is what he promised himself and me..i suppose he is a man who doesnt honour his word..yeah..i wish i could go straight up to him and tell that rite at his face..my dear fee is finds him as a someone to turn to,while im having a conflict wif..if u r a guy,and u r in this condition,will u feel afraid?afraid to lose,i mean.lose someone u love.will u??opinions please!!i really dont want her to get in this picture,but she is already in it..confusions break loose..if i prevent,she will probably say i dont trust my own bro.gyeah..i dont trust him now..and if i let her meet??fcuk!!what will probably happen??
help!!help!!im in a terrible mess...!!opinions please!!opinions please!!

Worst And Terrible

I have always wondered why people think that there are going through the worst scenarios in life.even i at times think like that.lets put it this way.u r meeting a group of friends to share problems.and u can hear ur friends go,"my one more worst sia.."or"atleast ur one okay sia,not that worse."this is what u can hear like everyday of ur life.has anybody said to themselves that they are the best.?or maybe,i can be better than others.all i can say about this "worse" people is,U HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM..tata..thanx for reading my crap..

How I Wish...

Woke up in the morning and i expected a few things..How I wish it could happen..I was hoping to wake up on my own bed..Walk to the kitchen and look at what my mom is cooking and she will ask me this same question usually,"da bangon da fi?".And I will reply,"da lama dah."She will give this slight grin and will ask me to go and bath,wake up the rest and i will do just that...afterwhich,i will help her prepare breakfast..after everybody is ready,my father will ask me,"ifi keluar tak nari?",then i will reply,"tak tau.."Then he will ask me to help my mum with all the chores.I missed doing chores back at home..I wish my parents could forgive me for the wrongs that I have done.I just want to be home.It hurts when u go to ur gramps house to have a rest and ur nephew goes,"asal kau balik?gy berambus ar kau dengan kawan2 kau.buat ape kau balik?susahkan orang.mabuklah,tattoo lah.berambus arh kau setan."It hurts sia deep inside.He is only 6 years old sia and he is already saying that to me.He spits,kick,spray water,throw heavy things down at me and keep saying all those hurtful words..How I wish I could turn back time sia,i just want to be at home.Back there at my gramps house,even food was scarce.Im like a stranger sia in the house,I had to find my own food and money.Im Not feeling how a teenager should feel and enjoy.Food at my gramps house was only for 5-6 people during weekend.and only for 5 people during weekdays.and there is 7 people staying.who is number 7?it is me.Fuck.If this i the life i have to go through until i die,i need a surviving list.a new heart probably cause it has been wounded ever since it was born together with me.Let me prove to them I AM not who they think i am.i can b successful.Just watch out.I can be better or probably the best.